Dust Yourself Off

I asked my husband what he would do if your our situations were switched.  What we he do if I was the one with the problem rather than him.

I asked because the things that would work for me don't work for him.  The things that I default to, because they would help me, are not the same things that work for him.  His motivation is different than mine.  Well maybe not different, we are both motivated by family and God, but they ways in which we harness that motivating power are different.  I like lists.  I like making goals that I can see every day.  It motivates me to do better if I have a short term reward.  Like daily.

Those things don't work the same for my husband.  After 8 years of marriage I still have no idea what works for him.  So I asked.  "What would you do if it were me?" in the hopes of finding out what his motivation is.  He thought on that for most of the day before giving me his answer.  This is what he said:

"Knowing what I know and having been in the situation, if it were reversed I would respond with compassion."

It stopped me short.

That's exactly what he would do.  He would hold me in his arms and cry with me.

We all have different love languages and I had been ignoring his.  Well maybe not ignoring, but I didn't realize how powerful his language is to him.  Spoken words mean a lot to him as well as physical touch.

For me it's written words, gifts, and service.  Words said out loud are easily dismissible for me, but written down have much more power.  As it turns out we were both unaware that we weren't "saying I love you" in a way that the other could take to heart.

This morning I was listening to a conference talk by Elder Uchtdorf.  It was the one from the last priesthood session entitled "You Can Do It Now".  In it he said:

 "I have watched men filled with potential and grace disengage from the challenging work of building the kingdom of God because they had failed a time or two or more.  These were men of promise who could have been exceptional priesthood holders and servants of God....

Brethren, our destiny is not determined by the number of times we stumble but by the number of times we rise up, dust ourselves off, and move forward."

I get discouraged.  I get downhearted.  I want to see giant leaps of progress with no stumbling.  But I know better in my heart of hearts.  And so does God.  He knew we would stumble.  He knew we would make mistakes.  That's why he provided his Son to help us.  All of us.

I can give my husband compassion so he can rise up, dust himself off, and move forward.